Monday, 26 May 2014

Shh! Don’t say it.

This article is addressed to all but most importantly the parents out there, especially the parents of a thirteen or fourteen year old.

There is a child out there with mere thirteen or at most fourteen years behind him. He isn't very different from your child. He attends school regularly enough, has a small but loyal circle of friends and a happy healthy family. Like your child, he is about to hear the word ‘Sex’ for the first time in hushed whispers during lunch break at school. His friend circle will laugh in varying degrees depending upon their understanding of sex and the sexual innuendo that was passed around as a joke. Your child will stand there laughing nervously but not because he understood the joke; just because everyone else laughed. He may not be the sole one pretending to understand but he doesn't know that. 

He doesn't in fact know a lot of things, but the major one in his mind is sex. And he blames the fact that he doesn't know what sex is. How can he? His parents or any other elderly in his life has never broached the subject. He can't ask his friends for they will tease him mercilessly about it and in all honesty, their information is hardly accurate. Their knowledge is as short lived as their internet history.

He doesn't realize, a mere kid that sex is never spoken of because it is a taboo topic. He can’t possibly know that while it is an intimate act, it has also been deemed a shameful one. Sex is a word hardly spoken aloud, except in hushed whispers of an eager child. Except when someone uses code language and talks about 'getting laid' or 'sleeping around' or 'doing the deed'. They say 'the deed' like you've gone ahead and murdered someone. If the front page of 'The Bombay Times' has excerpts from an interview where the actress even as much as hints at sex, it is folded and stuck down the rack, lost between other sheets of paper. No one can dare find out about sex. Burn the actress on a stake because she said sex. Pelt stones on my house because I dared write this article. 

That kid might have the guts to ask his parents about the joke but he won't get a satisfactory answer, if any at all. He may get a vague explanation or more likely the strict order to stop talking to those friends. But is that the solution? And why are we looking for a solution when there is no problem? He might get another friend circle but even they will eventually crack that joke and he still won't understand. He will go on the internet and he will look up sex. But he won’t find out what sex is. Save a Wikipedia link, he will come across porn websites or images, mentally scarring images. But how dare I mention the word porn. 

That kid is barely thirteen and much like yours has heard the word sex for the first time. And if you don't give him the answers, he will find it himself. And answers he finds might be too much for him to handle. It becomes your responsibility as a parent to makes sure he has the right information. You should and do protect him from everything bad but don't protect him from sex. It is not a bad thing; explain that to him. Sit him down and make him understand; nothing too intense so that he can't handle but a brief summary. Skim lightly over the topic of sex instead of pretending it doesn't exist. Pretending that people don't have and enjoy sex on a regular basis doesn't ensure its privacy; it simply turns it into something bad- ugly and vulgar; something it is not. 

When he is older and in a serious relationship (and he will be, don't deny it) embrace it. Allow him to confide in you and when you think the time is correct, talk to him about sex in more detail. Tell him to use protection, make him understand that it needs to be consensual, that any girl who says no but means yes is just teasing him. Let him understand that he deserves better like you think he does. Give him the sex talk. Not 'the talk' but 'the sex talk'. Say it word out loud. Please stop skirting around the word sex. 

Because there is a kid out there and it is his plea that someone explain him about sex which is a big part of the adult world. And it is his plea that he understands sex in small doses that he can handle. Unlike the bigger portions given by the internet or nonexistent and false information provided by his friends. Listen to this kid’s pleas; this kid might be yours.

3 comments:

  1. Very well written. Keep writing. A good message :)

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  2. very well thought of girl :)

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  3. I like your thoughts. You have accurately portrayed a slice of teenage.

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