July 12, 2015

Unraveling Myself

If I were to tell you that you are only allowed to wear one pair of pants every single day for the rest of your life, would you be able to do it? Of course not. Every occasion calls for a different type. Finding your personality I think is a lot like the perfect pair of jeans – practically impossible. 

I have to wake up at 5:45 in the morning and I don’t have any form caffeine in my body, I assure you, you don’t want to push my buttons. My tolerance is directly proportional to the hours passed since sun rise and I can be something that emerged from hell. I am like neon hot pink pants. Yes, those exist. Why? I really don’t know. 

But I’m not always angry or bitter. When I am with my friends, talking over empty dishes with laughter echoing from my belly, I am soft and vibrant. My jeans are not always my jeans, sometimes they are track pants. I feel comfortable, like all my walls are down and the defense squad is taking a tea break. 

And when I am walking down the street and I spot someone I know and do not wish to interact with, I make myself scarce. I blend in with the crowd, like classic blue jeans. And of course, when I am trying to get people to notice my work, I try to stand out. Sometimes I take desperate measures. I even makes absurd metaphors and it feels a lot like those ‘not jeans’ jeans with silly patterns all over them. 

I can be sharp (and rude, apologies for that) and so confident, like a pair of black jeans that goes on for miles. But I am also clumsy, so it’s more like black jeans with very visible biscuit crumbs all over them. 

One time, I tried to be graceful. I imitated all the right hand gestures from my friend and tilted my chin at the right angle and it was all wrong. What I didn’t know was that the jeans that look fabulous on her will never fit me. We are different sizes, different personalities.

Everyone loves sarcasm right? Wrong. Some people think it’s rude and my oh-so-witty comebacks disappoint like pants with small pockets. And sometimes I’m quiet, patient and extremely out of character and it pays off around some people. It’s a skirt with pockets as a bonus. 

If you’ve read so far, your lack of complaint is appreciated. I know what you are thinking (while your cursor hovers over the ‘X’) what is the point of this? There is no point, there is a problem. You see, I am supposed to put myself in one box and wear one pair of jeans everyday for the rest of my life. And I can’t pick one pair of jeans. They all suit me so well and simultaneously, not well enough for that kind of commitment. None of these personality types (or jeans/pants/skirts) captures the essence of me in all its glory (or distaste). 

Who am I? I can’t answer in a single characteristic. Or even in several thousand characteristics. You can put as many labels as you like, but there will always be something that doesn’t have a name. And I promise that something will never cease to surprise you. It never ceases to surprise me.