Thursday, 31 December 2015

This has been 2015.

It’s the last day of the year and I am scrambling to get this post finished before it’s too late. When exactly is too late? The answer of course being midnight tonight when 2015 comes to an end and oh what a year it has been! I know that as we approach the year end nostalgia runs through the air like a disease; that to reminisce is clichéd and yet as you must’ve figured out by now, I am going to take a look back on my year. I owe it to 2015.

Imagine that you can swim and have been left out in the sea by yourself. Imagine the kind of struggling that comes when it has been weeks and you are too tired to swim anymore and simply floating or worse, drowning. This year started with a sense of hopelessness interspersed with binge watching bad T.V. shows. If you ask me what I think of Glee, I will tell you objectively speaking that anything after the first 3 seasons is not worth watching but you wouldn’t know (till you read this) that I stayed up watching till 4 a.m. thinking ‘this show is pathetic… this show is pathetic… I am pathetic’. This year started on a low. 2015 began with a feeling that it hadn’t started at all; that it was (not unlike my life) put on hold till May 24, which was the date of my JEE Advance exam. It is another matter altogether that I didn’t clear the first level. 

The first 4 months were a haze, defined only by Avengers: Age of Ultron, which while we are on the topic, was disappointing. The second defining, life changing moment was in April when I decided I didn’t want to continue down my chosen path. Maybe I should’ve been a better swimmer, maybe I had been at the sea for too long. Some people think I drowned but really, when I decided to take up arts, I was saving myself.

I keep looking back on this year and only thing that stands out was my change of streams but really this year was so much more. This wasn’t the year of change. In May I visited my Kaki, my aunt in Bangalore (Bengaluru) for the first time in 5 years. I went on a camp for nearly two weeks. I have been on camps before but none at this scale. I attended my brother’s engagement; I started learning French. I took up knitting and even learned the ukulele. The last is something I only began earlier this week but it counts. I learnt how to style people's hair, which given my locks, was a longtime coming.

I started college (it’s a proper college with a degree course and everything) and I started travelling in Mumbai locals. I started ‘Reviews Day Tuesday’, a book review series on this blog. It has been a project I’ve wanted to put into action for a year before it commenced. And I started writing original stories, working towards the creative writer I want to become. 

And as much as I started, I revived too. I resumed reading (one book per week, in fact) and kept up with my tradition of an annual holiday with my cousins. This year we traveled across the Konkan coast of Maharashtra and I would recommend the beaches there to anyone interested. I visited my relatives at Ahmedabad more than once.

2015 started slowly, tediously but it ended on a high note. In fact I am currently surrounded by my relatives, reminiscing the last week. It was the week of my brother’s wedding and in a moment of rarity, I danced. My voice is hoarse because I have been laughing a chest wracking laughter for 2 days. 

2015 has been a lot of things for me. It was the year of healing, even after I saved myself. It has been rough therapy and prescribed morphine. It was slow treatment, gentle kisses and my mum wiping my hair of my forehead. 

Has this year been full of dramatic cloak whirling, mascara-running-down-your-cheeks crying? Oh god yes. But it has been even more prominently so, full of beginnings. And even in its dying breaths, in poetry and in metaphor, it gives life to a new start. This has been 2015.

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