I am not entirely sure what I was imagining while writing this but hopefully it is entertaining.
As I lay on the ground in pieces, I couldn’t help but wonder if it was all for the best. I wasn’t entirely surprised on finding myself in that position and while a part of me had hoped it wouldn’t happen (and yes, the same part is feeling a little betrayed) I think my time is simply up. The signs were there, the dissatisfaction, the headaches and oh the squinting. Squinting is always the last thing that happens before one gets replaced.
I remember when I first met her. I know that things have changed between us but if these are my last moments, let me reminisce my time with her. She was on the lookout for someone but me; I had given up all hopes of anyone ever calling me their own. I suppose it is her need to stand out that made her pick me; some people wouldn’t approve of it but it worked out really well for me. I probably wasn’t her first choice but she never made me feel anything but. And I suppose in that sense I am lucky to have closure; even if I feel broken right now it is better than being shoved into a closet and left waiting. And this way, I am not second best or a back up choice.
And while these superficial glances into our relationship may make it appear disjointed, you should know that I gave her just as much. Sure, it was a bit dizzying at first but I made her more aware. I gave her the ability to look farther, clearly and better than she had been doing for months. But despite all of the ways in which I improved her life, her parents didn’t approve of me. Maybe it is because I am purple, maybe it's my body shape. What if she picked me only to provoke them? I hope not because I don’t want to be lying on the ground with that being one of my final thoughts.
The truth is, we’ve had troubles lately. She’s got her sight set on other things and I understand that she dreams big, but she was using me like a tool to get there. Over time I was left beaten down, marks all over me and blurry. It is not healthy for a relationship when one of the people involved starts taking the other for granted. And silly old me, I thought it was a good thing. It’s nice to imagine that you’ve reached a level of comfort with someone that you can simply be in the other’s presence without truly interacting, but what if you stop interacting altogether. We skipped the walking on eggshells phase and moved straight into spending all of our time with each other and I enjoyed it so much. My second favorite moment is at 2 am in morning when I’m tucked away in the corner of her bed or the table with the silence surrounding us. It is succeeded only by being the first in the morning that she reaches for.
I don’t want to talk about how that doesn’t happen anymore. I simply want to remember the good times. I've heard she's moved on. But if this is my goodbye, I hope she goes out there and realizes that there is no one better than me and spends her life in regret. Serves her right.