Wednesday, 31 August 2016

Everything was Exciting When I was 15

This entry is a bit more on the personal side but I figured it was about time to make good to the title of this blog. I don’t remember the last time I felt excited. I get nervous; last week was exam week if you want proof. I definitely get angry – just ask my brother – and I do feel happy meeting my friends but excitement has been missing. 

When I was in 3rd standard and the final results had come out, I had topped the class. And I found out through a friend who blurted it out before I even collected my report card. Ever since then I had managed to be within the top 5 in the class and in my entire school career, the rush never went away. 

I remember when I had my first sleepover. I had been trying to get permission for years before I received one and I couldn’t stop grinning for days. Now thinking about a sleepover makes me wonder if I will be able to stay up late enough as is the sleepover code.

In my last year in school, I took a week long trip with people who were previously acquaintances and are now some of my best friends. I remember obsessively packing and repacking, making sure I forgot nothing. When I visited the 'Valley of Flowers' last month, I packed hours before my flight was due to depart. 

It isn’t that I don’t enjoy travelling, or a sleepover, or getting a good score but my stomach doesn’t erupt into butterflies. The only constriction in my chest is from hyperventilating before my literature paper. 

While I am not a cold, dead rock on the inside (mostly), the last time I was excited was when the Gilmore Girls revival dates were announced. Is something the matter with me that it takes a TV show, albeit a fantastic one, to get me giddy?

I used to believe that this was a part of growing as a person. When I was 15, I thought the second hand drama in my life could encompass several books. Everything was intense in school as compared to anything in the three years since. But the death of drama couldn’t be linked to the suicide of excitement, could it? May be in the process of appearing collected and playing pretend at being a semi-adult, I had lost the sense of un-ironic enthusiasm. 

I am not quite sure that I’ve nailed it on the head but in this case, the why isn’t as important as what next. I’ll have to make sure to let myself feel adrenaline rushing through my veins. In the meantime, here’s a question for you – When was the last time you were excited and what was it all about?

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